Questions for Which I Have No Answer

Sometimes people ask me questions that are so ridiculous I figure they must be joking.  When I realize they are serious my mind kicks into high gear and frantically searches for the correct answer.  When it can’t find the answer, I’m left with giving out the dumb look.  This gives them time to try and ask the appropriate question, but it also gives me the reputation of being a slow thinker.  Lately, I’ve learned to say, “I don’t understand your question”, or , if I’m really irritated at how ridiculous the question is, “Could you please rephrase that into something that makes sense?”   

I’ve been at the Outlaw for nearly a month now.  Five nights a week.  The other night, a woman who works only on Thursday nights (but she’s drunk in the bar every night) asked, “Where do you usually work?”


Maybe I’m too literal.  Maybe I should have made the intuitive leap and decided she meant, “Where did you used to work?” and given a vague answer.  But saying I usually work in Cody implies that I’m still usually working in Cody and I’m over that.  If she had asked a month ago, I could have given that answer, but now I feel it isn’t true and would open the door for more conversation, which I want almost as much as a hole in my head.

Last night was dead slow.  I mean, I had two people come in for hot chocolate at 5 and I didn’t see another person or cook a bit of food the rest of the night.  Sigh.

I popped into the bar a couple of times hoping to guilt someone into ordering food just so I would have something to do.  Both times the nasty fat guy who works for the town was sitting at the bar swilling his beer.  Both times I had my apron on and made very small conversation, right in front of Nasty Dan, with MDR about how dead it was on the other side.  At the end of the night I went into the bar to fill out my time card and Nasty Dan asked, “So, where are you working now?”


I deemed that question too stupid to answer and gave him the dumb look.  MDR, probably knowing I was giving Nasty Dan time to duck and cover before I gave him a stupid answer to his stupid question, answered for me. 

Typically, if someone is filling out a time card while wearing some sort of uniform and standing in a place reserved for employees, they are an employee. 

Am I expecting too much from these mouth breathers?  Should I dumb myself down even more?  My usual tactic is to fill out my time card and run from the bar before anyone can drain my IQ to the point where I’m too stupid to drive home.  Maybe I’ll just stick with that.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 00:00:01

    A lot of the time, my nose isn’t working very well, and I breathe through my mouth. I haven’t noticed it having any impact on my IQ, but now I’m wondering…

    I doubt a medical issues causes your IQ to drop. For example, if I brought menus to your table and poured water for you, you wouldn’t ask, “Do you work here?” Right?


    • DarcKnyt
      Apr 09, 2012 @ 07:09:08

      Well… I HOPE not, but I can’t make any promises. I’ve done some pretty boneheaded things in my day, to be honest with you.

      Haven’t we all?

      Still, I’ve always been a bit worried about the expression “mouth breather” for this reason. I wonder if breathing through my mouth (and I don’t have a deviated septum like WIGSF) makes me LOOK like (more of) a moron, even if I’m not. Know what I mean?

      Some of the dumbest people I’ve ever met, people who sucked my IQ right out of me, breathed through their nose.

      BTW, the first time I heard this expression was during Star Trek (the movie from 2009 with Chris Pine). I instantly slammed my mouth shut, but the sound my nose makes when I breathe through it got on my nerves. I almost asphyxiated trying to figure out what to do about it! 😉

      HAHAHAHA! The first time I heard the phrase was back in the 90s on a radio show. I had to do a quick check to make sure my mouth was closed.


  2. Fuck My Table
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 00:04:03

    People coming on shift like to ask me “if [I’m] working.” I know what they mean is, “Are you working the dinner shift or are you still on from the lunch shift,” but seriously? Is there a need to truncate that question so much that I have to think about the question hard before giving an answer?

    I get that question a lot. People need to ask the full question if they want anything resembling a polite answer.

    Even better, I love when customers (always older ones) stop me to ask if I work there because they have a question. Because they’re old I try not to be mean, but seriously?

    The uniform should be a dead giveaway. Do people think I wear an apron when I’m NOT working?

    For some reason older people stop me in Walmart and ask if I work there. I tell them I don’t, but answer their questions anyway. I feel that they are so overwhelmed they just want anyone to help them.

    Sounds like the guy at your bar is a Mensa candidate. You should help him prepare for the test by asking him dumb questions of your own. You know, to exercise his brain.

    I try hard not to talk to or even look at him. One of the last times I looked at him I had the image of him sitting on a stool, passed out and drooling on his nasty fat stomach seared into my brain for weeks. That kind of shit is hard to get out of your head.


  3. wigsf
    Apr 08, 2012 @ 05:07:52

    To further on darcknyts train of thought, I breathe through my mouth quite a bit. I suffer from a deviated septum which disallows me from getting enough air through my nose to properly ensure enough oxygen for my mighty brain. I’ve had two surgeries to correct the malformation and neither was successful in the long term.
    Mouth breathing does not automatically mean a person is stupid.

    To further on darcknyt’s answer…I doubt your medical issue causes you to ask retarded questions such as the examples I provided. If a person asks a ridiculous question, they are a mouth breather, regardless of how they take in oxygen. It’s along the same lines as your post on calling stupid people ‘retarded’. You aren’t aiming it at mentally disabled people and I’m not aiming it at people with a medical problem.


  4. DarcsFalcon
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 00:24:56

    I have found that answering a stupid question with a nonsensical answer seems to put a nice twist on things. My favorite responses are “Tahiti,” and “Bermuda.” I love, “Where’re you going?”
    Me: “Tahiti.”
    Them: “To Hiti? Where’s that?” Then they’re the ones with that look on their face. Priceless. 😀

    I’m not quick enough to come up with answers like that. My brain is busy with images of me stabbing them.


  5. Becki
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 03:52:39

    I get dumb questions too,really hate the ones from people I work with.

    The people we are forced to work with should be as smart as we are.


  6. Sparty Girl
    Apr 10, 2012 @ 05:56:05

    Try questions from students. My favorite: Can I pass this class? Me: I don’t know, can you? Do you plan to start coming to class and do you plan to study for the tests?

    I remember standing in a hallway with a professor when a group of giggling girls from one of his survey classes walked up to him. “Hi, Dr. Roberts, we missed the Wyoming History final this morning. What do we do now?”

    “Re-enroll for next year,” he responded.

    They thought since they were young and cute and giggly, he would rush to let them take the final on his time. Guess again girlies.


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