Game On!

Tonight 2 men with a slew of kids came in for pizza.  I asked how many were in their party since the kids were all running around and I couldn’t get a head count.  One guy said, “There are 5 with me.”  The other guy said, “I have 4…so that’s a total of 5 of us.”  Uh…I’m a complete bonehead when it comes to math, but even I knew his answer was wrong.  His friend corrected him and he said, “Oh yeah, I guess there’s 9 of us.  If our wives were here they would know how to count.”  Dude.  Stop talking.  You aren’t getting any smarter.


This woman wants to play games with me.  I love passive/aggressive games.  My favourite is How Far Are You Willing to Go?  I always win that one.  The thing is I like to go to work, do my job and go home.  I don’t cause trouble or stir the pot.  I’m one of those nice loner people you sometimes read about…”She was such a nice person, always kept to herself, I can’t believe she had 20 bodies buried in her backyard.”   

One night after a long, back breaking shift, I got out to my van and started to back up before I realized Betty Boop (that’s how she talks) was parked behind me.  The parking lot is huge, so there wasn’t any need for her to do that.  I had to hobble my tired ass back into the bar and drag her drunk ass out to move her car.  The next time she did it, I put Frankenvan in “R stands for Race” and shoved her car back about 5 feet so I could angle my way out.  Lately, I’ve been parking to the side of the building so I can get out by going forward.

Tonight when I left work there were two cars in the parking lot…hers right behind mine.  I left her a little gift since she’s obviously trying to get my attention.  She will either take the hint and stop parking behind me, or we can take it to the next level.  I’m not ever drunk when I leave work and I can always pass a drug test.  Betty Boop can’t say either of those things.  People who walk on eggs, shouldn’t hop. 

 Most people stop provoking me after the first round.  Persistent people sometimes stick it out for two rounds.  Morbidly stupid people have to keep touching the fire and crying because they get burned.  That college degree she likes to brag about was obviously money well wasted.


12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    May 04, 2012 @ 22:21:06

    I just love when people have a WHOOOOOOOOLLLLLE parking lot to choose from, and they choose to park RIGHT.NEXT.TO.ME. So much fun.

    I can’t ever decide what the deal is when that happens to me. Was the parking lot full, but now it’s empty? Is this person afraid to be alone? Does this person want me to key their car?


  2. Squiggy's mom
    May 04, 2012 @ 22:43:09

    Ha – you go, girl!

    I usually do!


  3. Fuck My Table
    May 05, 2012 @ 02:01:50

    I wouldn’t want to fuck with you. You’re a meanie. I wish I could be a meanie like you. I’m too nice. 😦 Keep us updated…I’m betting she keeps playing with fire!

    I’m not a meanie if I’m left alone. Only people who think they can bully me get to see the mean side. I’ll bet she doesn’t back off either. I’m waiting for her to accuse me of leaving gifts for her. I will ask, “Why would I do something like that?” The only response she can have is, “Because I keep parking behind you.”


  4. Lauren
    May 05, 2012 @ 11:54:53

    I’m curious to know what this gift was….

    It was harmless, but messy and something I happened to have on the top of the trash after cleaning the coffee machine.


  5. michele
    May 05, 2012 @ 20:36:34

    are we talking about the drunk that wanted to rent my house?

    Yes, we are.

    dog shit under the handle gets the point across! wish i was there and could join in the festivities! missing hollye!

    Fucking hell. I nearly peed my pants. You are way more inventive than I am. I started out with a filter full of coffee grounds splatted on her windshield, my next move was going to be dog shit on the ground by her door, but I might cut to the chase and put it under the door handle. I wonder how many times she’s going to give herself a Dirty Sanchez before she figures it out.

    Missing you, too.


  6. michele
    May 05, 2012 @ 20:37:55

    oops! i do know how to spell across. don’t i?

    Once in a while…


  7. DarcsFalcon
    May 06, 2012 @ 00:56:09

    I don’t know Holls. Even with that degree and all, she might not be able to put 2 and 2 together and realize the cause of her new little problems are due to her park jobs. That would require brains. 😉

    She hasn’t parked behind me since I gifted her and she avoids me and won’t even look at me. Maybe she is smarter than I give her credit for.


  8. zmanowner
    May 06, 2012 @ 09:57:37


    LOL….Great stuff….zman sends


  9. Zoogie2
    May 07, 2012 @ 09:13:13

    Dog shit under the door handle would be hilarious! I realize you are trying to be obvious in your punishments since she’s clearly lacking in the brains department, but I’ve always been a fan of dyes in the windsheild wiper solution. If you do a SMALL amount, they will still be able to see, especially if you do a yellow it looks like an annoying and gross tint. Or hell, just put urine into it (note: if you are dehydrated and eating pounds of asperagus, this works better).

    I planned on soaking her windshield with 7 Up. She wouldn’t notice until she got in, and every fly and wasp in the county would be on her car before she could wash it off.

    Anyone who sends their boyfriend to intimidate their coworker isn’t worth going halfsies with. You need All. Out. Warfare. Luckily you seem like the type of woman who can handle her shit 🙂

    I’m willing to go that extra mile. I’ve found you need to be just slightly more crazy than your opponent and they will back the fuck off.


  10. hiraanimfeftetheunweddedwidow
    May 17, 2012 @ 21:12:21

    Wow. I never even considered the 7-Up method. That is a whole new level of passive-aggressive tactical skill.

    I wanted something sticky, but clear. I don’t sleep well at night so I have lots of time to think.

    Although I once left a roommate I was sharing a suite with who had treated me and my roommates horribly a very mean parting gift…Our dorm room’s kitchenette was already infested with roaches (even the mini-fridge! Ew!), but I poured some sugar down the crack between the wall and the counter as a parting gift before I left. I’m sure the roaches appreciated that tasty treat. Heh heh heh…

    I remember this story and I think it’s awesome!


  11. hiraanimfeftetheunweddedwidow
    May 17, 2012 @ 21:14:09

    FWIW, the above situation happened in Russia…We moved from a roach-infested dorm suit to a roach-infested apartment. I think the whole apartment building had roaches. They came out from the cracks between the stove and the counter.

    Roaches…ugh. Thankfully I’ve never lived in a place with roaches.


  12. hiraanimfeftetheunweddedwidow
    May 18, 2012 @ 23:26:43

    [corrrection to story above: suite, not suit]

    I survived the roaches with the philosophy that, if any of them came close enough to my hard-soled slipper to be smashed by it, they were a suicidal roach. I smashed enough to maintain sanity. These roaches were super-roaches. I put out Raid roach motels and they were completely ignored. I think the whole apartment building was infested with those things.

    Wyoming sucks balls because of the cold winters (and a few other things) but we don’t have roaches!!


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