Playing Dumb

Okay…there is one person who does it better.

Playing dumb is MY thing.  No one else at work can do it and honestly, nobody does it better than I do.

So what is with my co-workers trying to horn in on my action?

I’m telling you now, there’s going to be hell to pay if they don’t back off and find their own gig.

Last week a customer wanted a shake.  Ding Dong played dumb and asked if I would make it since she didn’t know how.  “Uh…you put ice cream in the metal cup, you add milk, you put it on the shake machine and when it’s stirred, you pour it in a glass.”

“But I’ve never done it and I don’t know how,” she whined.

“There’s no time like the present to learn,” I told her.

I figured she would just float off somewhere and I would end up making it, but it turns out she DID know how to make a shake.

Last night as I was cleaning the kitchen MDFR asked where I put the table tents.  I told him they were in the cupboard under the shake machine.  He stared at the shake machine for about 2 minutes then whined, “I can’t find them.”

“Here’s the deal,” I shouted from the back of the kitchen, “I’ll find them, but then you will mop the kitchen, clean the dishwasher, and roll the silverware OR you can bend your knees and look where I told you to look.”

He constantly pulled that shit when we lived together and usually it was via phone while I was out with friends:

“Holleeeee…the TV remote isn’t working.”

“Holleeeee…I can’t find the knobs for the stove.”

“Holleeeee…Netflix says it’s experiencing technical difficulties.”


Not even my kids get to be that helpless.

It is possible that my co-workers aren’t PLAYING dumb.  I worked with Sharron on Mother’s Day and after an hour of her telling me every step I needed to take I finally asked if she thought I was incompetent.  “Ignore me.  I’ve been working with Ding Dong,” she said.

I nearly wept at the thought of Sharron having to explain every task in great detail to someone she has trained for 6 months.  She has so much patience, and she’s earning a special place in Heaven.  Or she hasn’t realized she’s beating a dead horse, and every day is Hell on earth.


12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Connie
    May 17, 2012 @ 21:21:20

    Made me snort my cocktail. Totally get it and I don’t work in this industry.

    Yeah, but you know dumb people.


  2. DarcKnyt
    May 17, 2012 @ 21:37:44

    I tolerated that when my kids were three. Then it was out the door. Beyond that? Yeah, you don’t want to go there.

    Somedays I feel like I’m working with Forrest Gump.


  3. Squiggy's mom
    May 17, 2012 @ 23:19:10

    What I’d like to know is, how do you keep from slapping these idiots you work with upside their heads? I did “server” work way back in the 70’s (when we were still called waitresses), and I can remember working with a few idiots and lazy asses. Today, I wouldn’t be able to deal with it – I applaud your self-control.

    I recite:
    SHE’S not my problem.
    She’s NOT my problem.
    She’s not MY problem.
    She’s not my PROBLEM.
    Sometimes it makes me feel better.


  4. DarcsFalcon
    May 18, 2012 @ 00:39:52

    Good grief! The thought of someone still being that incompetent at their job after 6 mos is mind boggling! I’d want to strangle her. Poor Sharron, trying to train her. I bet even chimps could do better than Ding Dong.

    I know, isn’t it awful. At the very least the chimps would be more amusing…until they flipped out and ripped someone’s face off.


  5. wigsf3
    May 18, 2012 @ 04:03:14

    Wait a second???

    What’s the deal with knobs for the stove? Aren’t the knobs attached to the stove?

    The stove is kind of a piece of shit and the knobs are very sensitive. Just bumping into them will turn the gas on and, if left unnoticed, we all die. All the time I’ve had the stove (10+ years) the knobs have been on the counter and when the cooking is finished, they go back on the counter.

    One of the things that got MDFR kicked out was he came home in a drunken stupor, cooked some Ramen noodles slop, and didn’t take the knob off the stove. At some point after I went to bed, he must have bumped into it and turned the gas on. When I woke up in the morning, the house was flooded with gas and the only reason we weren’t all dead was because I had a fan in an open window.


  6. Zoogie2
    May 18, 2012 @ 08:38:07

    I can’t believe you actually gave her instructions on how to do it. Tell her to Google it on her phone. I hate when people pretend like they can’t figure things out just so others will do their work for them.

    I doubt she knows how to do that. Any time I reference the internet, she gets an even blanker look on her face.

    Almost everyone in my family is 6 feet tall but somehow I missed that gene and ended up 5’3″ on a good day. When I was young I was so short that I couldn’t reach any of the shelves, so you could often hear me saying in a whiney voice (because my jerk-family wouldn’t move anything to a lower shelf), ” can you get me a glass of waaaateeeerrrrrrr.” Draw ‘water’ out like a particularly whiney opera singer. I think this was justified since I couldn’t reach, not that I couldn’t pour a glass of water. Eventually my mom caved and left a glass on the counter for me.

    As for Ding Dong, I saw let her sink like a bag of potatoes…actually the bag of potatoes probably has a higher IQ than this genius.

    I gave up on her weeks ago. Sharron is keeping her afloat because she’s invested so much time in her.


  7. Sparty Girl
    May 18, 2012 @ 13:44:05

    hahahaha! I have no patience for that crap. My kids went hungry once or twice when they whined about a snack, now the only thing they ask is “may I have…”, not “will you get…”. Sure wouldn’t put up with it at work.

    It’s annoying that these two are grown ups and they act like this. I could understand if they were 18 and just entering the workforce, but 37 & 41??? There’s no excuse.


  8. Ahmnodt Heare
    May 18, 2012 @ 14:08:08

    I used to think that people played dumb. It’s sad when you find out that they’re not playing. My life would be the funniest sit-com ever, but I don’t want to relive it.

    It always depresses me when I realize people aren’t playing and it’s dumb for real.


  9. Hira Animfefte
    May 20, 2012 @ 10:53:54

    I nominate Sharron for restaurant sainthood.

    Hell yes!

    Things like this are what I like to call “The Department of Not My Problem.” It’s a vast department. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to be in management.

    No doubt. I’m all about finding a solution and fixing a problem, but you can’t fix stupid.


  10. Hira Animfefte
    May 20, 2012 @ 10:55:21

    BTW, that story with the knobs on your stove? REALLY scary. I’m really glad MDR is now MFDR. I’m not sure somebody like that should be allowed near a stove of any kind, frankly…

    I know. His drinking was putting me in all sorts of bad situations and he had to go.


  11. zmanowner
    May 20, 2012 @ 11:47:30

    I am with Hira, with the Dept of Not My Problem. Know lots of people that play duuuhhh…I hate it…you have more patience, then I would ever have..your a saint….zman sends

    No sainthood for me because I eventually lose my temper and tell the dummies off.


  12. Cherry
    May 20, 2012 @ 16:58:45

    I love your site! I would love a round up post of your best MDFR stories….

    I don’t have many MDFR stories because I promised I wouldn’t write about him while he was living with me. Now that he isn’t, but we are working together, he’s fair game.


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