50 Shades of Gr-Ahahahahaha

Because of my new Kindle, I’ve read some mainstream books this last week.  I don’t usually read what’s popular because I believe most Americans have a 4th grade reading level.  The books I read have some meat to them and they are far beyond my writing talent level.

For months the internets have been ablaze with ’50 Shades of Grey’.  It is the book to read.  The hype is so great it is what got me interested in buying a Kindle.  I started reading it last night and I could NOT stop laughing.  When I got to the part about the “playroom” and the red leather bed I flat out howled with tears running down my face.  All I could think about was the part in Christmas Vacation when Cousin Eddie tells his wife, “don’t forget the rubber sheets and the gerbils.”

The problem is, I don’t think ’50 Shades of Grey’ is supposed to be funny.

Stop making me laugh!

Reflecting on what I’ve read so far reminded me of something that happened to a co-worker last summer.  A bunch of us went out for a beer after work and this young, rather weasel faced guy started hitting on Sunni.  He had an Austin Powers accent that he just would not give up on even though all his friends ragged him for being from Tucson, AZ.  For reasons beyond me, Sunni thought he was awesome and took him home.

The next night at work I asked how it went with Austin, and she said he wanted her to shove her panties in his mouth.  That’s all fine and good, except Sunni doesn’t wear panties (which, to my dismay, she has proved to me more than once).  Apparently, they improvised and she shoved his own panties in his mouth.  I didn’t ask if she kissed him after that.  TMI.

When she told me about her sexcapade, I wasn’t turned on, curious, titillated, shocked, or interested for that matter.  I thought it was the funniest fucking thing I’d ever heard.  The only way the story could have been funnier is if she was vomiting uncontrollably while telling it.  (That reminds me…another story for another day.) 

Am I seriously warped?  Why do I find kinky behaviour hilarious?  I am NOT going to be able to get through this book without cackling like a madwoman.  One of the teasers said you shouldn’t read it in public. 



I finished it, and it did have some redeeming qualities.  It wasn’t all whips and chains, but also about getting into a relationship with someone who has a cargo ship full of baggage, losing yourself to be what someone else wants you to be, realizing you have to be true to yourself, and walking away when you’ve had enough. 

There are 2 more books, and I’m sure Ana saves Christian from his troubled past and they sit around singing Kumbaya together.  That’s a little more fantasy than I can take.  Tigers don’t change their stripes.


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. theblonde
    May 21, 2012 @ 08:56:28

    You’re not alone! The only anecdote I can think of at the moment was a guy saying “who’s your daddy?” during sex, which I can’t even type without smirking. I always cry laughing at crazy fetishes and sex stories.

    “Who’s your daddy?” is something that should never be uttered in the bedroom. I remember a guy asking me that once and I got all confused and answered him. Talk about a mood breaker.


  2. DarcKnyt
    May 21, 2012 @ 09:43:11

    Man, I managed to go this long without hearing of this book. But it’s not comedy? And yet, funny? Hm.

    It seems to be a woman thing.


  3. liz in albuquerque
    May 21, 2012 @ 21:53:27

    I was at the library the other day & this huge, 60 + yr old line backer looking like woman with long permed hair asked for the Dark Grey book. The librarian explained that it was called 50 Shades of Grey & that it was currently checked out & she would be happy to put her name on the reserve list. The linebacker then asked if the next book was a darker shade of grey. Nonplussed!

    Well, she was sort of right. The 2nd book is 50 Shades Darker. I’m almost afraid to ask.


  4. DarcsFalcon
    May 21, 2012 @ 21:57:55

    Once you’ve seen it in real life it’s even funnier. 😀

    Oh geez. I’m still reading it and still howling.


  5. Fuck My Table
    May 21, 2012 @ 22:29:51

    I have heard of this book but didn’t really know the content. That’s fucking hilarious, you’re not alone. I’d probably die laughing too. I have a Kindle and now that I’ve graduated I have time to read…but something tells me I’d give up a couple of chapters in simply because I’d laugh too hard to breathe properly.

    It isn’t a horrible book, it does have some redeeming qualities (I haven’t finished it yet though), but I can’t take the whole BDSM thing seriously.


  6. wigsf3
    May 22, 2012 @ 04:40:39

    Shove her panties in his mouth…
    Doesn’t wear panties…

    Whatever happened to romance?

    Yeah, that shouldn’t happen until at least the 2nd date.


  7. Hira Animfefte
    Jun 09, 2012 @ 13:59:33

    If you think that is funny, you must check out Anne Rice’s erotica series (“The Sleeping Beauty trilogy”) and report back to us. I expect you to die laughing. Lots of BDSM, or so I hear. It used to sell well at Borders.

    I started the first book years ago and I couldn’t get through it. I am in no way submissive so the story was just foreign reading.


  8. Hira Animfefte
    Jun 12, 2012 @ 15:56:07

    I take it the BDSM of 50 Shades of Grey was less submissive than Anne Rice’s version? I never read Anne Rice’s. I just shelved it and pointed it out to customers who asked for it. (I got tarot cards out of the locked tarot card section too, even though my person interest in tarot is 0% and I’d just as soon we not stocked them at all for all I cared.) So the girl character in 50 Shades is kinda dom or whatever? (What do I know from BDSM?)

    The guy in 50 Shades is a dom and he wants the girl to be a sub, but she isn’t. If I remember correctly, the Anne Rice novel just pissed me off. It was less sexy and more debasing. I wanted to beat some Prince Charming ass.

    I want other people to compare them for me so I never have to read them myself! Unless they turn out to be funny. If 50 Shades is funny, I can be persuaded to read it.

    I don’t think it was supposed to be funny, but the only thing I find funnier than reading/watching/hearing about kinky sex is uncontrollable vomiting.

    I heard that 50 Shades was originally a Twilight fanfic. Yeah. That bespeaks such quality! 😉

    I was willing to give it a go because I heard it was Twilight fanfic…in other words, vampires. There are no vampires in this book. When I realized that, I still had to keep reading since I paid $9.99 for the damned thing.


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