The Crying Game

Wrong game.

This isn’t a story about a woman who’s actually a man, and Boy George isn’t going to sing.  It’s a story about a game I play with Eeyore

It all started several years ago when I made polite conversation with her.  After I asked how her day was going, she launched into everything that was wrong with her world and after a 5 minute pity party, she started crying.  I felt really bad for starting the conversation (you know, the one that starts with “How are you today?”) and I left her weeping in the bar.

Then it happened again and I felt bad.

One night we had a huge group of bikers.  They made reservations, had a set menu and an auto-grat of around $200.  Eeyore and Ursula, who were responsible for ONLY getting their drinks, decided the $200 was theirs.  Meanwhile, there were 4 of us in the kitchen, cooking, cleaning and restocking, and I doubled as the server.  When I got wind that those two thought they were getting all the money, I had a small cow.

Before long it got back to Eeyore and Ursula that they got the tips off the drinks ONLY and the cooks would split the auto-grat.  Eeyore ended up in the kitchen, in a puddle, sobbing her eyes out.  WTF?!  Get out there and make some money!  See, she and Ursula didn’t want to actually work for the money, they wanted the kitchen staff and me to run our asses off while they sat at the bar and got drunk.  Fuck that shit.

Game on!

After that day I made it my mission to make Eeyore cry every chance I can.  She’s such an easy target sometimes all it takes is, “Hi Eeyore, how are you today?”  I don’t count those times because it’s way too easy, and I don’t get to hone my mean girl skills.

Sunday she was in the kitchen ranting about a National Geographic photographer who was taking pictures in the bar.  Apparently he took pictures of Tinkerbell braiding Eeyore’s hair and that was terribly upsetting.  Unfortunately, we were busy and I didn’t have time to mess with her and tip her over the edge, but I owe her one.  

Yesterday I had lunch with Sunni and several other girlfriends.  I told them the story of Betty Boop Booze parking behind me.  Sunni said, “Holy shit.  You are the last person I would mess with because you are the most vindictive person I know.”  All my other girlfriends agreed. 

If Eeyore was smart enough to realize I’m playing a game with her, she’d agree, too.

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    May 25, 2012 @ 16:09:29

    Have a great holiday weekend!

    …Nope, that has nothing to do with your post. But the sentiment stands. 🙂

    It’s snowing. It snowed all day, it’s snowing all night.

    You have a nice weekend too!

    Reply

  2. thelifeofjamie
    May 25, 2012 @ 18:30:07

    she sounds like an easy target!

    You have no idea.

    Reply

  3. Sparty Girl
    May 28, 2012 @ 08:37:10

    Snowing? Ah, life in the mountains. Here it’s in the mid-90s this weekend.

    This morning I wondered what that bright, shiny thing in the sky was. Oh yeah, the sun.

    Reply

  4. michele
    May 28, 2012 @ 14:44:34

    CAN’T WAIT TO JOIN THE FUN!

    You need to get here. I need some sanity.

    Reply

  5. DarcsFalcon
    May 28, 2012 @ 21:31:59

    Snowing?! Good grief, we’re having a heat wave here. As much as I hate snow, I’ll take that over 90 with high humidity. Trade ya!

    It has been raining/snowing for a week. It’s cold and miserable, but I’ll take that over 90 any day.

    As for Eyeore, I say if she’s making it that easy to make her cry, then she probably enjoys crying more than she’s willing to admit. And, she should bring the cheese and crackers next time she wants to have a pity party.

    She drinks too much and she’s horribly insecure. I’d cry too.

    Hope you had a nice Memorial Day. 🙂

    Hope yours was great too!

    Reply

  6. Hira Animfefte
    Jun 09, 2012 @ 13:23:22

    Eeyore needs her meds upped, stat.

    No kidding. When she brings an order to the kitchen she has to apologize and explain how she tried to write everything perfectly and so on. JUST HANG THE TICKET!! I want to deliver her meds on the tip of a knife.

    Reply

  7. Hira Animfefte
    Jun 12, 2012 @ 15:41:11

    Wait a minute…you guys were visited by National Geographic? That is SO FREAKIN’ COOL! I will be on the lookout for pictures of scenic Meeteetse. Actually, your town really IS scenic. My town–MEH. It’s not as bad as “scenic New Jersey” though.

    We are quite famous. There’s always somebody in town doing a story about something and they always end up in the bar, which is about as historic as they come.

    Reply

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