Why Is It So Hard?

When I’m cooking I want the server, whether it is one of the bar people or Bagheera, to write the ticket correctly, hang it, and say “Order please.”  I will respond with “Thank you” and they can go about their business and I can go about mine.  This is Food Service 101.

I DO NOT want them to read the ticket to me.

  • I have to divert my attention from what I’m doing to listen to something that I’m not going to be able to start for several minutes.  This is a waste of time, plus I have a limited attention span and I don’t need unnecessary crap in my head.
  • Drizella can barely read and listening to her try to assemble words into sentences is just too painful to bear.  If she has more than one item on a ticket, I get a headache in my eye thinking about how much time I’m wasting.
  • Foghorn Leghorn (aka MDFR) is an idiot.  I make so many mistakes when I let him tell me what’s on a ticket rather than reading it.  He says, “16 inch combo”, I make a 16 inch combo, but it’s a 14 inch Islander on the ticket.  I don’t know if I just can’t listen to the sound of his voice, or if he’s functionally retarded, or if he’s doing it on purpose.  Maybe all of the above, but it is a waste of time and, usually, food.

Everyone gets it except Foghorn Leghorn.  I’ve had to repeat this simple request at least twice every shift we work together, which is 4 nights a week for the last two and a half months.  An ordinary person would just kick him in the balls and get over it.

For example, I’m standing at the grill, flipping burgers and he tries to hand me a ticket.  “I don’t know what you want me to do with this.”


(ACKkk!  The biggest fucking spider I’ve ever seen in my entire life just ran across my keyboard and disappeared.) 

Saturday night I was cooking and serving by myself.  I had 2 tables in the dining room, a pizza to go and Foghorn Leghorn handed me a ticket with another pizza and 4 chicken fried steaks with salads.  I put the pizza in the oven, plated his salads and turned on the pick-up light in the bar.

He ran into the kitchen in a panic, “Are you busy?” he asked while frantically spinning in circles in my way.

“Not really.”

“What should I do?”  Still running in circles, he opened the swinging doors into the dining room. 


“You’re busy, what do you want me to do?”


“Oh.  That order is to go.”

“It isn’t on the ticket.”

“I put it on my copy.”

“How is that of any use to me?”

“I thought you’d know.”

“Yeah, cuz I’m a mind reader.  I guess you know where the boxes are.”

For the record, I’d never let him help me in the kitchen because I don’t think he ever washes his hands.

Plus, he’s an idiot.

Sunday, he again handed me a ticket while I was up to my ass in alligators.  I wanted to stab him, but I didn’t have time to find a knife.  When I got to the ticket, it was a chicken fried steak with a salad.  I plated the salad and turned on the pick-up light in the bar.  Sound familiar?

Foghorn Leghorn came in the kitchen, looking bewildered and asked why I turned the light on.

“Your salad is ready.”

“Oh, it’s to go.”


“Well, it’s for Vic and I know it’s to go.”

“I guess you know how to box it up, too.”

About three minutes later, while I was struggling to take food out to a table of 10 wild animals people, Foghorn Leghorn came in the kitchen and said, “That chicken fried steak is to go.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“I didn’t write it on the ticket.”

“I know,” I said through clenched teeth.

“I wanted to make sure you knew it was to go.”


Poking the lion is never a good idea.  Glory seriously wants to maul him.

Tonight I asked Bagheera to talk to him.  I’ve asked him enough times, and all he’s doing now is pissing me off.  This won’t end well.

Maybe I’m being petty, but I’m cooking his food, washing his dishes, putting his dishes away, and rolling his silverware.  He’s making tips on my labour.  He can damned well do it MY way.

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mary i
    Jun 04, 2012 @ 09:36:31

    Yes he can. I just bet you will teach him how…

    Bagheera talked to him and she said she didn’t think he got it. She told me she will continue to explain it to him using small words until he finally figures it out. Not my problem any more.


  2. Squiggy's mom
    Jun 04, 2012 @ 14:42:41

    I’m with mary i – sounds like he needs to be taught a lesson.

    He needs to put down the bottle and stop trying to manipulate me before he finds himself head first in a trash can.


  3. Sparty Girl
    Jun 05, 2012 @ 07:57:57

    Maybe they get the ticket-reading thing from watching Hell’s Kitchen… that’s how they do it there. Why? I don’t know. It sure seems like it leaves a lot more room for error.

    It wastes everybody’s time. The servers could be doing other things, the kitchen wouldn’t be disrupted. However, a majority of the cooks at the Harribalsac couldn’t read so I thought we should read our tickets to them. Maybe the cooks on Hell’s Kitchen can’t read.

    I like MDFR’s new nickname, but I always got the impression that Foghorn Legorn was a lot smarter than your buddy.

    Yeah, he’s not too bright. It was the accent and the phrase repetition that made me name him Foghorn Leghorn.


  4. wigsf3
    Jun 05, 2012 @ 09:15:22

    “Oh doggie, you’re gonna get your lumps. Oh doggie, you’re gonna have some bumps!”

    Why does this make me think of The Black Eyed Peas?


  5. foxpen
    Jun 05, 2012 @ 12:49:49

    …tell me more about this spider.

    It was fucking huge, with legs and a shit ton of eyes all staring at me. I tried to find it to smash it, but it was gone. I decided it scurried down the hall and jumped on my bed. I didn’t sleep well.


  6. DarcsFalcon
    Jun 05, 2012 @ 22:12:21

    Yeah, I don’t even let the kids read me their school work when they have a question, I always say, “Just bring me the book so I can see it myself.” My kids get that now.

    I’m sure your kids read at a higher level than any of the douchebags I work with do.

    Sounds like ex-roomie is having some learning difficulties here. I’m sure you can teach him his lesson. *snicker* 🙂

    That was one of the things that irritated the shit out of me when we lived together. For example, one day I washed the trash can and left it upside down in the bathtub to dry. I set an empty dog food bag out for a trash can. He had absolutely no idea what to do with his garbage. He started putting it on top of the fridge, in the window sill, in the cabinets, anywhere except in the dog food bag. The trash can was in the tub for a couple of hours, but his stashing of trash went on for days until I finally lost my mind and screamed at him. “I didn’t know what you wanted me to do with it” was his answer. WTF?! He’s worse than my senile gramma.


  7. Hira Animfefte
    Jun 09, 2012 @ 12:43:23

    How did you go from server to cook? Tell me you’re getting paid more for this!

    I’ve been a server for most of my time in food service, but I prefer cooking. I don’t have to deal with people, I can create an environment I like, and I can make the most wonderful food. Unfortunately, cooking pays jack. Here, I get cook wages plus tips which is the best of both worlds.

    Foghorn Leghorn sounds too stupid to live.
    Trust me, he is.


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