Two Stupid Questions

It’s that time of year.  The tourists are here and they brought their stupid questions with them.  I’ve heard, “There’s no such thing as a stupid question,” but I’m here to tell you, whoever coined that ridiculous catchphrase was dead wrong.

For example:

Number 1

“Beer battered fries…what are those?”

“They are fries with a beer batter.”

“I’ve never heard of them.  Are they any good?”

No.  The owners went to a food show and they searched for the nastiest, most awful vomit inducing food they could find and they put it on the menu.  Beer battered fries are the result.



Please stop talking.

Number 2

“Your sign says your pies are homemade.  Who makes them?”

Uh…we do…that’s why we call them h.o.m.e.m.a.d.e.

As a server, I have a pretty good filter.  I think snide things, but I seldom say them.  As a cook, I don’t have a filter.  The most outrageous shit pops out of my mouth because no one can hear me.  As a server/cook I sometimes forget to reinstall the filter when I walk out of the kitchen and the snark gets out.

Oh, it’s going to be a long summer.

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 12:23:00

    “Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?”

    Vinny Barbarino?


  2. DarcsFalcon
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 12:36:15

    What color was the old gray mare?


    LOL I know what you mean about filters. You should hear Darc and I when we get on a roll here at home over news articles and such. Actually, one time he made a crack out loud at the grocery store and the lady in the next aisle laughed. 🙂

    I need to get some duct tape for my mouth.


  3. thelifeofjamie
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 13:16:13

    You need to hand them stupid signs…

    How about I just shoot them?


  4. Zoogie2
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 16:02:11

    If you shoot them, you’ll have to mop up the blood. Don’t make extra work for yourself lol.

    Damn. I didn’t think of that. I’ll stick to rolling my eyes.


  5. Serenity
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 17:20:52

    We have a patio, and my “favorite” stupid question I get is ” is it nice enough out to sit outside?”. Um, you just walked IN from the outside, so shouldn’t you know the answer to that??? drives me batty

    How can people be so stupid. Not only that, they are asking your opinion. I never opt for outside dining so my answer would always be no.


  6. wigsf3
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 19:40:24

    Best I ever heard while working at a video rental store: “You got any movies?”

    At least once a day I get, “Are you open?”
    “Is the ‘Open’ sign on?”
    “Then I guess we are.”
    Fucking morons.


  7. Cat
    Jun 23, 2012 @ 22:30:32

    After a long break from working with the public I am now working at a plant nursery and we get this kind of comment all the time. ‘I’m buying this plant for my sister’s birthday, which colour do you think she would like best?’ ‘I like this one, do you think it would fit in my car?’ I practise a tight lipped smile that makes me look interested and stops my smart mouth replies blurting out.

    Oh geez. The dummies are everywhere, aren’t they. When I’m a server I have that smile & I call it my Stepford Wife Smile. When I’m a cook my standard response is, “How the fuck should I know.”


  8. Squiggy's mom
    Jun 24, 2012 @ 01:50:47

    Too bad you couldn’t videotape them, and put them online……….


  9. skippymom
    Jun 25, 2012 @ 07:57:24

    Me: “We have Ranch, French, Italian and Blue Cheese dressings”
    Dope: “Do you have Thousand Island?”
    Me: [Thinking to myself – “Was that list TOO long?’] No. Sorry.

    Same with on sodas, tap beers and types of cheese for hamburgers. They ask, you list and they ask for something you didn’t say. Why bother asking for a list when 1. You aren’t paying attention in the first place 2. You are going to ask for something we don’t have. JUST ASK FIRST.


  10. Ahmnodt Heare
    Jun 25, 2012 @ 18:24:43

    I hate to disagree with you, but there are no stupid questions. There is, however; an abundance of stupid people who ask questions.


  11. r2here
    Jul 03, 2012 @ 18:16:28

    Tell ’em to close their mouth fore they hurt themselves.

    I never cease to be amazed at rampant stupidity.


  12. beansprowtcrocodile
    Jul 06, 2012 @ 01:28:14

    Lol, I love your recounts. You make the ordinary just so damn funny!!!

    Thank you!


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