Filthy little bastard.

Jamie is fighting a losing battle against crickets in her garage.  I’m fighting a losing battle with millers in my bedroom.  Little bastards.

At the end of my day I like to get in bed and read.  This last week I’ve been swarmed by millers.  They land on my face and when I try to shriek, “KILL THE NASTY!”  they fly in my mouth.  Then they tangle in my hair, crawl on my arms and try to pluck out my eyes.  Last night I discovered they feel moist when they do the creep walk, which sent me into screaming heebie jeebie convulsions.

Otis and Maggie used to be Miller Killers.  I would shriek, “KILL THE NASTY!” and they would leap to the head of the bed and snap them out of the air.  This summer Halo and Arlo have decided to pitch a bitch fit if anyone moves on the bed, so when I shriek, “KILL THE NASTY!” Maggie and Otis look at me like I’ve ordered their execution.  Otis still tries.  He worms (fat ass in the air, front legs by his sides, top of his head on the bed, back legs pushing) his way up me, lays on my chest and tries to catch millers, but to be frank, he sucks.  He snaps, drools, decides he wants to be a baby, and rolls onto his back while millers pummel both of us. 

Otis looking for Nasties.

This has turned my relaxing time into an hour of screaming, flailing and name calling.  When I turn the light out I fall into a terrorized exhausted sleep.  It’s helped my insomnia, but at what cost?  I’m supposed to be the boss, but I’m reduced to giving orders no one follows.  What’s next?  Will intruders be given a cup of coffee and a donut? 

You just can’t find good help these days.


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Jun 27, 2012 @ 14:08:37

    I had to look “millers” up to find out what this meant. Ew.

    But I have a good story brewing now. Thanks.

    Millers are the things of my nightmares.


  2. thelifeofjamie
    Jun 27, 2012 @ 14:16:11

    what the hell is a miller? And it sounds like torture! You should burn down your house and move!

    I posted a picture of a miller for you. I’ve thought about burning down my house and moving, but millers are everywhere!


  3. DarcsFalcon
    Jun 27, 2012 @ 21:22:47

    I had to look up millers to see what you were talking about! LOL I’d never heard them called that before.

    What do you call them?

    Sounds like it’s time to get one of those mosquito netting type things to hang over your bed, so you can at least sleep at night. That would keep me up all night too. *shudder*

    The dogs would rip the mosquito netting down before I got it up. All the more reason they should do their job.


  4. Squiggy's mom
    Jun 28, 2012 @ 01:04:43

    Hmmm….this looks a little different than what we call millers here in MN (actually they’re Indian Meal Moths). They’re a pain in the ass for sure, but since I started keeping anything with grain in it in plastic containers, and use mostly plastic bags
    for groceries, I don’t see them much anymore. My cat and wild bird food are kept in air tight containers too. What do the type you have go after? Besides you, I mean. ;o)

    As far as I can tell they go after moisture and light. If we have a really wet spring, we have a shit ton of millers. We had a dry spring so I don’t know why they are around now. Also, they hide out in portable toilets and outhouses so they must be shit eaters. I was traumatized as a kid by millers in a portable toilet and since then I hate both.


    • Squiggy's mom
      Jul 06, 2012 @ 11:13:47

      Definitely not the same critters – hope you’ve found some relief by now.

      It’s been so hot and dry I think they’ve pretty much died off. Good riddance.


  5. wigsf3
    Jun 28, 2012 @ 04:10:35

    Is a miller some sort of insect, or are you, oh, how do I put this gentley, are you getting gang banged by a group of people who work at the mill?

    I would prefer a gang bang, but that would interfer with my reading. Millers are small moths. They are disgusting.

    I hope they’re flying insects and not a swarm of sweaty men.
    Then again, you might enjoy a swarm of sweaty men.

    It’s been so long since I’ve had one man, a swarm of sweaty men would be overwhelming.


  6. Sparty Girl
    Jun 28, 2012 @ 05:39:45

    Are they attracted to the light? Maybe you should start reading under the covers with a flashlight.

    I’ve thought of that. Trust me.


  7. Brea
    Jun 28, 2012 @ 09:26:11

    Or… you could always set up a zapping bug light in the corner of your room…
    Ahhh, falling asleep to the sound of mothy death, accompanied by the crispy, dusty, slightly like burnt hair smell of insects in flames…

    Hey, it might be worth it!

    The thought crossed my mind last night. I saw one in Walmart for $25…


  8. talesfromthegroceryline
    Jun 29, 2012 @ 21:02:03

    I don’t know if what I have is exactly the same thing, but I call them seed moths (I have birds). Although I have never had them swarm to the degreee that you seem to, here’s what I have done to minimize/eliminate them:
    ALL grains, pasta, flour, etc. are kept in the freezer. First it kills any that may be in it, but also keeps them out. I tried plastic containers, but they got into those.

    I buy these pheromone traps from Drs. Foster & Smith. They are attracted to them, stick & die. 2 traps are about $6.99. You can check their website, and maybe find some locally.

    For an immediate solution, place a bowl of water with a few drops of liquid dish soap below a lit lamp.

    Good Luck!
    PS: Please feel free to visit my new blog! Thanks!

    The little bastards are after my PASTA?! This means war!


  9. misscbliss
    Jul 05, 2012 @ 18:23:33

    I absolutely love your stories. I laughed pretty hard reading about Fleur.


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