Call Me the Pie Lady

Eeyore made the pies for the Outlaw for as long as I can remember.  They weren’t exactly good pies, but they were pies.  She made her own 1/2 inch thick crust, opened a can of pie filling, dumped a shit ton of booze in it, and called it a pie.  The pies were then cut up and frozen.  When someone ordered a piece of pie, they got a microwaved soggy mess of flour and pie filling.  I was embarrassed to serve it.  Since it was ugly pie and it was a pain in the ass to serve, no one ever offered dessert and the pies sat in the freezer, sometimes for more than six months.  Yummy.

When I started working at the Outlaw again, I suggested we plate a variety of pies because if people can see them, they will buy them and if they aren’t disgusting, people will buy more.  Bagheera said no, but I did it anyway and holy smokes!  We started selling pies.  Twelve pies used to last at least 6 months.  We sold 12 pies in less than a month (each pie sells for $4.29 a slice.  We get 8 slices per pie.  I’ll do the math…we sold $420 in pie in less than a month).

Since Eeyore filled the pies with all sorts of booze and since she overcharged for her time to make the pies, the profit margin on a pie was very slim.  Neither King Triton nor Bagheera were all that impressed with the pie sales.  Then came the day Bagheera had her fill of Eeyore (that’s a story for another day) and changed the locks on the bar and restaurant. 

Now that everyone was in the habit of offering dessert, we were without pies.  Speedy Gonzalez offered to make the same pies Eeyore did, but Bagheera wanted to try something new.  She hinted that she wanted me to make some unusual pies.  I like to bake, but I’m not really a pie maker.  I told her I would experiment, but I couldn’t promise anything since I don’t have tried and true pie recipes.

I am officially hooked on making pies.  Tonight I made another strawberry rhubarb, 2 coconut cream & a Shaker lemon pie.  The Shaker lemon kinda scares me, but Bagheera said to give it a try.  It consists of thinly sliced lemons, a shit ton of sugar and eggs.  I’m thinking a sweet lemon Quiche.  I’ll find out what it’s like tomorrow. 

The best thing about my pies is since they are made from ingredients we already have, the profit margin is awesome.  King Triton is going to buy a counter top refrigerated pie case so the pies will sell themselves and we can be world famous.  Or not.

Next up, lemon cream, Key lime, and orange mint cheesecake.

Who’s coming for a visit?


The Shaker lemon pie was awesome!  The only change to the recipe is I’ll zest the lemons and thin slice the fruit.  Leaving the rind on as the recipe called for made the pie chewy.  The eggs turned into a custard rather than a Quiche.


12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mary i
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 03:38:01

    Sounds yummy! Can you ship to Alabama? 😉

    I would if I could.


  2. DarcKnyt
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 07:21:17

    Pies are so awesome. I miss them. Happy baking!

    I’m not much of a pie eater, but I love baking…then I have to sample what I made.


  3. Sparty Girl
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 07:40:26

    I hope they appreciate your attention to the business end of this… profit margins matter in a small business. I like making pies. Have fun with it. Have you ever seen the movie Waitress with Keri Russell? Great movie, and your adventures in pie making made me think of it again.

    I’m getting a raise! They appreciate me very much. I have not seen that movie. I’ll have to see if it’s on Netflix. If word about my pies gets out, maybe Dean Winchester will stop in for a piece. Hehe.


  4. Heif
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 09:23:30

    Im ready for a visit. Blood orange is good in about any pie I’ve ever had.

    We don’t get blood oranges out here. We barely get regular oranges. Our produce sucks.


  5. Ahmnodt Heare
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 10:42:56

    Here is a recipe if you ever want to sell a breakfast pie:

    I’m not awake early enough to make breakfast unless I’m still awake from the night before. I do like breakfast for dinner, though.


  6. Bob
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 13:07:27

    orange mint sounds interesting. I never ate apple pie until the last couple of years. Love it with ice cream!

    Good apple pie is hard to beat. Have you tried it with a slice of cheddar cheese melted on top? It sounds wrong to me, but many people think it’s good.


  7. Squiggy's mom
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 13:14:06

    Maybe there’s a new career “niche” in your future?

    Baking for a living would be pretty awesome.


  8. michele
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 19:17:03


    It’s hard to go wrong with a pie. Even the worst pie is still good…except when you mix up the salt and the sugar.


  9. Zombieman
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 19:17:19

    I’m more plain jane, Strawberry-rhubarb for me please! I am glad to hear they are selling and it’s through your efforts, that’s awesome!

    There are weird pies out there. I remember being horrified by raisin pie when I was younger. It looked like fly pie.


  10. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 08, 2012 @ 21:14:43

    I have long been a fan of lemon pie – not meringue though. But you said orange mint cheesecake and my mouth started watering. I want a pic of that one! It sounds so awesome for a warm summer evening. 🙂

    I’m not a fan of egg whites on pie, I don’t care how much sugar you put in with them or how pretty it looks, it tastes wrong. I bought an orange mint plant for my deck garden and it tastes and smells wonderful. I can only imagine how good it will be in a cheesecake.

    Maybe you can get extra tippage on the pies, that would be awesome.
    That’s my plan 😉


  11. wigsf3
    Jul 09, 2012 @ 04:06:11

    Mmmm… I’d eat your pie.

    I just got a little excited.


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