Working the System

I hate people who work the system to get discount or free meals.  They make so many substitutions and change the menu in so many ways, they muddle the server and end up paying for a fraction of what they ordered.  I’ve worked for places where tickets were audited and the server either had to pay for the shortage, or she got fired.

On Sunday Bagheera had a couple who tried to get something for nothing.  For starters, they ordered water with lemon, he bitched that his lemon just wasn’t lemony enough, so she brought them more.  They then added sugar to their water and made lemonade.  For free.  He ordered a hamburger, without the bun or veggies, with fries and gravy.  The woman ordered the Special, but she said she didn’t like pasta salad, so she wanted to substitute it for a side salad.  Bagheera was completely flustered when she gave me the ticket. 

I looked at the ticket and asked, “So…he wants a hot hamburger supper and she is paying the upgrade on the salad, right?”

I saw the light in Bagheera’s eyes.  “Dammit!  They are trying to get free food.”

When Bagheera gave them the ticket, the man flipped his shit.  He expected to be charged $7.99 (or less) for the hamburger with gravy instead of $10.29 for a hot hamburger supper and she expected to get the salad at a reduced price since she wasn’t getting the pasta salad.

See, they are friends with Speedy Gonzalez.  Her pricing is different than my pricing.  She would have started at $7.99 for the burger, but since he didn’t want the bun or veggies, she would have subtracted $3.  Then she would have added $1 for gravy so he would have paid $5.99 rather than $10.29 for what he ordered.  (If she had half a brain she would at least charge him $7.99 plus $2 for gravy, but that’s not the way she rolls.)  She would have taken a dollar off the price for the special since the lady didn’t like pasta salad and had to be displeased to even think of it, or some such shit like that.

The woman is clueless when it comes to making money on food.  She thinks if she gives enough discounts people will come back for more.  Uh…yeah.  They will come back for more free food and eventually we won’t have any.  Dumbass.

My policy is: You want to play games with me and get something for nothing?  I’ll charge you for all sorts of things you didn’t expect.  That’s how I roll.

In the end, the man yelled at Bagheera about “not using her head” and “not having any common sense”.  Good thing I was in the walk-in at the time ‘cuz he would have found it difficult to walk with a broom up his ass. 

This is another reason why giving discounts is bad for business…the person who doesn’t do it gets screamed at by cheap fuck douchebags and nobody likes that.


9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. DarcKnyt
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 15:18:47

    Wow. I would’ve been blown away by the $10.29 for a burger-no-bun too, frankly, but wouldn’t have been looking to get anything free in the first place. I would’ve expected the $7.99. Who knocks $3 off for a bun?!

    I probably didn’t explain that very well. A hot hamburger supper is a hamburger on a slice of toasted sourdough bread, served with mashed potatoes and gravy for $10.29. He tried to be clever and order the same thing by disguising it as a hamburger, which is what scammers do. Speedy falls for this all.the.time. and not only gives them the cheaper price, but knocks off even more. She is a scammer’s wish come true.


  2. skippymom
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 15:46:17

    When I was younger I can totally see myself being to meek too try and charge a customer the right price. Now? I am in the “broom up the ass” category of giving a shit. A lot of things about scammers annoy me but the one that fries my ass the most is the free lemonade people. I swear I would go back to serving JUST for this. The first person that tried it would be charge for the lemons. When they complained I would simply explain how much FREAKIN’ lemons cost. You get one slice, as a courtesty. Do NOT push you luck.

    It pisses me off when customers ask for a bowl of lemons. Why have lemons become an entitlement? Even though it annoys the crap out of me, if the restaurant doesn’t want to set up a policy, I give out a bowl of lemons.

    You know I try to be all optimistic and see the good around me, but these kinds of people just make me wonder about it all. Where do they come from? Who taught them this shit? WHAT makes them feel so entitled? I don’t know anyone like these people. ::shaking my head:: probably because I weeded out those SOBs from my friend pool.

    I don’t have friends like this either. All my friends are in food service or own a business, so they are very aware of all the bad behaviour out there and they don’t do it.

    Good luck and an extra splinter-y broom handle to you my friend.

    We only have plastic handles. I’m going to have to find a wooden one.


  3. Brea
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 22:25:16

    The broom should be inserted bristle end first, just to make sure all the shit’s cleaned out of their system before they come in again.

    You want to eat for free? Soup kitchen at the Baptist church is every 2nd and 4th Tuesday.

    I like the way you think since we only have plastic handled brooms and that’s not painful enough.


  4. DarcsFalcon
    Jul 17, 2012 @ 22:58:08

    When I was a young woman, there was a little shop opened up next door to where I worked. The owners were a sweet couple, but clueless when it came to business. I let them use our freezer once when theirs was late on delivery and they wanted to give me a permanent 20% discount on everything in their shop. They gave all their friends, and friends of friends, discounts and free stuff.

    Yes, you know the end of that story. I don’t think it took even 2 years.

    You are right, and Speedy needs to learn that!

    Giving stuff away is bad news. You have to have a heart of stone to run a business.


  5. Squiggy's mom
    Jul 18, 2012 @ 00:21:07

    Yep – the world’s full of assholes. I decided a long time ago that I really didn’t need to look for the good in people, because if it’s there, it will shine through. Just like if you’re an ass, that will also shine through.

    Well said!


  6. wigsf3
    Jul 18, 2012 @ 04:15:07

    Not lemony enough. “Sorry darling, God makes the lemon’s, I just dish ’em out. You got a complaint, see your pastor.”

    Good answer! The guy could have been honest and said, “I’m a cheap ass and want to make my own lemonade. Could you bring me a lemon and a bucket of sugar?” But instead he had to insult the lemons.


  7. Lauren
    Jul 18, 2012 @ 13:12:56

    If someone asks me for a bowl of lemons, I have gotten in the habit of taking away the sugar if it’s on the table. No free lemonade in my section, and they can’t yell at you without revealing their cheapass-ness if they only have water.

    I usually glare at them before handing out the lemons. I want them to know I know they are cheap asses.


  8. zoogie2
    Jul 19, 2012 @ 10:42:48

    I’ve never been a waitress, but I think if I got cheap ass people who made their own lemonade I would let them have MY type of lemonade.

    I’d slice up some lemons and leave them sitting out in a bowl to dry up into almost nothingness, and those are the lemons I’d supply people looking to make their own lemonade. Life gives you lemons doesn’t mean juicy lemons asshole.

    I don’t understand the lemon entitlement. Restaurants are in the business to make money, they pay for the lemons to go with tea, why do people think they get free lemons with free water?

    As for me, I have some crappy allergies which means that when I go to restaurants I routinely ask that something not be served that comes with my meal. Whether or not I’m getting a substitution, I don’t expect a reduced price because I ordered the item which was listed at X price. So if I order a hamburger with no bun (because I’m on a low carb diet or have a gluten issue…whatever), I don’t expect my burger to be $3 less. That’s bullshit.

    You are a good customer! If I make a substitution, I expect to pay for it. Again, I don’t understand the sense of entitlement a lot of people have.


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