Updates for The Cast of Characters

I updated the “Cast of Characters” and as you can see, a lot of people bit the dust while I was gone.

Cartman–he isn’t a bar/cafe employee, but he’s always underfoot.  He quit/got fired from the town for sleeping on the job and general laziness.  Bagheera warned me that I should be nicer to him because she thought he was going to go on a shooting rampage, most likely starting with me.  What gave her the clue?  He started selling all his guns for bargain basement prices, but said he was holding on to one AK-47.  Cartman gets free samples and compliments now.

Betty Booze–her days were always numbered, but even I didn’t imagine how complete her downfall would be.  She lost her full time job at the Visitor Center, broke up with her long time boyfriend, Shaggy,  and started living with Davey in a one room house. 

But wait!  There’s more. 

Her 15 year old daughter was arrested for minor in possession of alcohol, which put child protective services up Betty Booze’s ass.  She started popping Davey’s pills, went batshit insane, and just stopped showing up for work.  Davey’s Mormon landlady didn’t like him living in sin, so she evicted both of them.  They had their shit packed in a piece of shit row boat one day when Michele & I drove by their house, and I laughed so fucking hard I couldn’t get a picture.  They moved into a shed owned by a rodeo clown.

I am not making this up.

Everything was fine until one night Davey went on a pill and alcohol rage and threw all of Betty Booze’s stuff in the river.  He went to jail.

I’m sure their story isn’t over yet.    

Shaggy–cut his losses and moved away.  He’s one of the lucky ones.

Davey–if I didn’t think I would get in trouble I would post his mug shot from his most recent stay in jail.

Drizella–got knocked up and quit.

Doc–tried to drink himself to death, spent a week in an induced coma, currently looking for a new liver.  This one isn’t funny. 

Of course, we found replacements for the fallen.  Of course, they are dysFUNctional.

Here’s a teaser:

Special Board:  Hog Wings & Potatoe Salad

Me:  Who keeps putting an ‘e’ on the end of potato?

New Hire in Search of a Nickname:  I do.  That’s the correct way to spell it.

Me:  Ok, Dan Quayle.

New Hire:  Who’s Dan Quayle.

Me:  The former Vice President of the United States who chastised an elementary student for misspelling ‘potato’ only to find out he was wrong.

New Hire:  I have spell check on my phone, and it says it’s right.

Me:  The dictionary on my phone says you’re wrong.

Idiot.  I’m surrounded.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. KathyBH
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 00:33:29

    I don’t have anything clever to say. I just really enjoy your blog and I’m always delighted to have a post from you to read.

    Thank you!

    Reply

  2. Cat
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 00:55:57

    It’s a good job you don’t work for the Tourist Board. When I saw the photos you posted of the park I thought ‘what a nice place to visit’, then I read about the locals and re-think that idea! Yourself excepted, of course.

    Years ago I did work for the Tourist Board. It was a nightmare.

    Reply

  3. Rebecca
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 09:03:18

    Dan Quayle sounds like a perfect nickname for nameless new hire; if they stick around long enough to need one!

    She’s been here since Labor Day and once a week everybody votes her off the island, but there isn’t anyone to replace her, so she gets to stay.

    Reply

  4. DarcKnyt
    Nov 06, 2012 @ 18:29:57

    Interesting. I’m looking forward to the new crew. From here.

    Distance is always best.

    Reply

  5. Sparty Girl
    Nov 07, 2012 @ 06:34:06

    You make me appreciate my own good fortune… the best thing about working 3 part-time jobs is you don’t have so much interaction with co-workers. 🙂 Speaking of which, I have tons of work to do today, so post something so I can screw off this afternoon for a little while.

    Sorry, I didn’t have time to post before work…had to clean my stove top. Gross.

    Reply

    • Sparty Girl
      Nov 08, 2012 @ 12:00:49

      Ah, well, I’m basking in that contented feeling one gets from completing all of one’s work in a timely fashion. 😀

      I have no idea what that feeling is.

      Reply

  6. thelifeofjamie
    Nov 07, 2012 @ 15:11:45

    You could write a book! And just put the potatoe girl our of her misery now!

    These people make my head hurt. At least the majority of my coworkers in Cody graduated high school.

    Reply

  7. christine
    Nov 08, 2012 @ 21:31:21

    So glad to see you back!!!!

    Reply

  8. DarcsFalcon
    Nov 09, 2012 @ 01:46:37

    Heh, you could call her Quaylelude.

    I’m trying to stick with cartoon characters, but damned if I can find one. Quaylelude might have to be it.

    So sorry to hear about Doc. 😦

    It was a bad turn of events.

    Reply

  9. SkippyMom
    Jan 24, 2013 @ 03:49:23

    Just back and catching up. I had to HAD TO comment on this one. Packed their stuff in a pos row boat and then moved into a SHED owned by a RODEO CLOWN? You can’t make this shit up. Oh and the kicker, he got put in jail for throwing her trash in the river while under the influence. HA! If they weren’t all so pathetic, it would be funny, but it’s sad.

    I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry about this. In the end, I laughed.

    And not knowing who Dan Quayle is something I would give a kid a pass on, but relying on spellcheck on a phone to confirm the spelling of something? Um, no. Isn’t it auto correct anyway, and it simply fills in the rest of what you are writing based on what you wrote in a text before? I don’t have a fancy phone so I don’t know but it’s stupid either way. Yeesh.

    It’s auto-correct and it guesses what you are trying to say, which is why sometimes I send texts that don’t exactly make sense. If you want to spell a word correctly you either need to Google it or use a dictionary app. Sadly, she didn’t understand either concept.

    Your purses are GORGEOUS. I am still loving [and so is Pooldad] the lovely sweater you made me. I finally, finally found the perfect shirt to wear underneath – in fact Pooldad gave it to me for Christmas that is how much he loves me in your sweater. 😀 Thank you so much again. Just know that someone in VA is thinking about you everytime she purties up in her prettiest sweater. Hugs!

    I’m glad you still like it. I’m currently working on 4 hooded cardigans and I’m either reading the pattern wrong or they are all going to be a size 0. You might end up with a box of sweaters.

    Reply

  10. SkippyMom
    Jan 24, 2013 @ 03:51:58

    **their, obviously, not there
    **add an s to finish off it’
    I blame the bucket full of popcorn and the Coca Cola I am having for breakfast for my inability to proofread my comments. heehee

    I fixed it for you.

    Reply

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