Bitching and Moaning

I am sad to report that Foghorn Leghorn & his drunk girlfriend made it all the way to Tennessee and back without one drunken encounter with law enforcement.  I have to believe the police aren’t trying hard enough.

On to the bitching and moaning…I quit smoking and I’m not the least bit happy about it.  I came down with some nasty virus and when I ran out of cigarettes I was too sick to go to the store to buy more.  People at work started making a big deal about it, so now I feel like I’m an unwilling participant in something I didn’t plan on doing.  It has been 9 days since I’ve had a cigarette, 9 days of hating the world.  

I started smoking when I was 43 years old.  Until then I was the most hateful anti-smoker around.  I never thought I would be a smoker, but one night at the Harribalsac I asked for a cigarette, and just like that a bad habit was born.

So for the last 5 years I’ve been a smoker.  I smoked about a pack a day for a year, then I smoked half a pack for a while, then I smoked 4-5 a day.  For the last two years I’ve smoked 3 cigarettes a day:  one on the way to work, one half way through my shift, and one on the way home from work.  Now I see no reason to go to work, no reason to take a break, and no reason to drive home. 

I don’t want to be a quitter! 

I hear previous smokers say how much better their lives are now that they quit:  food tastes better, their sense of smell improves, they are suddenly healthy and vital, unicorns fly out of their ass.  Whatever.  It’s all a bunch of bullshit designed to make their smoking friends just as miserable as they are.

I feel like punching a kitten.


13 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Serenity
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 17:50:47

    Honestly, I don’t think having 3 cigs a day is bad, it’s probably less than the equvalent of being outside all day in Los Angeles.I WISH I could have 3 a day. I’ve smoked since I was 16, so for 24 years. When I’ve tried to quit, it always comes back from me sneaking in a few here or there. I have friends who have never smoked on the regular, but will have one once in a while. I like to smoke, but it’s all or nothing for me. I wish I had the self control to have only 3 a day, and if you do, more power to you. I say smoke them and don’t harm the kittens!

    The world is ending tomorrow, I might just smoke a carton.


    • Serenity
      Dec 20, 2012 @ 17:38:34

      haha right? I’ve been trying to wean myself off them with an ecig, but today I said screw it, just in case 😉

      Ooooh! I forgot about my ecig. I’m going to have to dig that up.


  2. thelifeofjamie
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 18:19:50

    punch someone else…stay a non-smoker! it’s so bad for you!!! Even though you aren’t trying= good job!!!

    Bah humbug.


  3. michele
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 18:31:25


    I didn’t feel bad to start with.


    I’ve lost all faith in law enforcement.


  4. snarkula
    Dec 19, 2012 @ 20:59:35

    Stay off the cigs if you possibly can. I quit the same way, by accident, and really, there’s a lot of fun in being a hateful non-smoker. Plus you get to breathe longer.

    Bah humbug.


  5. Cat
    Dec 20, 2012 @ 02:43:57

    I stopped unwilling due to my income being £5500 and my 20 a day habit costing £2500….. Can’t say I feel any better or fitter in any way but my skin does look brighter and I have been asked out by three creeps since I stopped. Oh that’s a reason to start again, pass me a packet.

    It’s not smoking that keeps men away, it’s my personality.


  6. wigsf
    Dec 20, 2012 @ 05:26:13

    When Carmine quit smoking, he bragged that his renewed sense of smell allowed him to “smell when a woman is busy.” Which is his way of saying he can smell when a woman is on her period.

    Carmine should stop hanging out with dirty women.


  7. Sparty Girl
    Dec 20, 2012 @ 17:48:39

    I love you smoking or not. I will love you if you punch a kitten. I will help you hide the body if you snap from the stress of not smoking.

    Awww…thank you! The day I take a shovel to work is the day you will be getting a phone call.

    As for Foghorn and the girlfriend… wow. Maybe budget cuts are to blame. Not enough troopers on the highways. It’s a sad and scary world.

    It makes me want to give up driving.


  8. DarcsFalcon
    Dec 22, 2012 @ 01:32:03

    Well, at least they didn’t hurt anyone in their drunken driving escapade!

    I know what you mean about quitting. When I quit, I didn’t notice any improvements in smell, taste, etc., either. The only benefit I got out of it was not spending the money on smokes. But, it’s still a benefit. And it’s nice not having them own me anymore.

    Good luck – I hope you decide to stick with it. 🙂

    And Merry Christmas!


  9. enjoli
    Dec 29, 2012 @ 03:39:50

    I have just spent 3 days reading your blog. That’s 3 days of my life I’m never getting back. And I’m so glad – I have really enjoyed your tales of hell.

    Glad I could waste your time.

    I’ve started up smoking again recently after 2 years off them. I hate it. But I love it. But I hate it….

    That’s where I am…I hate the smell of cigarette smoke, but I love to inhale it, one tastes like hell, five taste like heaven, I worry about the health risks, I actually don’t care…I say I stopped smoking because quitting is so permanent and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

    But anyway, thanks for keeping me entertained whilst I’ve been stuck inside due to a heatwave.

    Heatwave?! What is that? Today I heard someone say, “It’s supposed to get UP to 30 today.”


  10. enjoli
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 21:46:31

    We are on our 7th consecutive day of over 37 degrees Celsius. It’s currently 41 out there. The only bonus is because I smoke outside, I’m smoking less during the day. Of course I’m probably making up for it in the evenings, but denial is not just a river in Egypt.

    I’m American so I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing it’s shorts weather.


  11. enjoli
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 21:47:27

    Arrghh – that was supposed to show up as enjoli – can you please change or delete? thanks

    I like the name enjoli…I might have to steal it when I go out undercover. 😉


  12. ktree
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 21:03:57

    I know I can’t compete with the weather there, but I live in central Texas, and it has been cold as balls for a few weeks now, which is not typical. It’s gotten up to 50-60 the last couple days but it’s been raining so it’s it’s just cold and nasty instead of fucking freezing. I’ve been smoking less because I get pissed off when I go outside.

    Sorry, but rain is better than snow any day. Oh and today it got UP to 38 degrees. Notice I said UP to.

    I used to think SAD was kinda bullshit, but I swear to God, people here are going bonkers with all the cold, no-sun-ness. Anyone with any spark of mental illness (myself included, of course) has gone nuts with it and everyone else is just really sad or mean. The schizophrenic lady next door has taken to hammering nails (or nothing, I guess I don’t know, I just know it sounds like a new roof is being put on every few days) into the wall she shares with me ALL FUCKING DAY LONG.

    SAD is no joke. It used to be called ‘cabin fever’ and people killed their entire families.

    The other day my boyfriend accidently threw something of mine away and I went ballistic. There was breaking of things, and a little bit of rooting through the dumpster in the middle of the night, dressed like a hobo except with a great hat, crying. Snicker.

    I think if I tried to stop smoking at the same time AND wait tables I would probably end up pulling a Jean Grey.

    Honestly, this non-smoking thing isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I don’t know how I went the majority of my adult life as a non-smoker. It sucks balls.

    I don’t know why I am telling you this. Sorry. But I really think if my co-workers weren’t such lazy morons I wouldn’t have to try to explode them with my mind.

    Oh, your co-workers are lazy morons? Mine are DRUNK, lazy morons. I can’t believe I haven’t gone Jean Grey on all of them…or wished them out into the cornfield.


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