Disgustingly Hilarious

Cartman (see Cast of Characters) used to work for the town, but quit/got fired for sleeping at work and being all around lazy.  He now works at the Cowboy and, surprisingly, ranks 4th (out of 5) on the Lazy Bartender Scale.  Yes, there are 3 bartenders even more lazy than he is.

Foghorn Leghorn and his drunk girlfriend were living in a camper trailer until it got sub-zero (and they got kicked to the curb by the friend they were freeloading off).  Since they both spend more than they make on booze and cigarettes, they can’t afford to rent a house/apartment on their own.

Cartman to the rescue.

He offered his extra bedroom to Foghorn Leghorn and his drunk girlfriend, and they moved in right before Christmas.  Very soon she decided the kitchen needed a good cleaning (I’ve heard he has as much dog shit in his house as I do in my yard).  Apparently it was so bad  she had to step into the bathroom to gag and when she came out she found Cartman peeing in the kitchen sink.

That right there is some funny shit.  I know I’m going to hell, but every time I think of it I can’t stop laughing.

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11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Brea
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 16:19:10

    Bwahaha! Laughing at people getting their “karmic desserts” won’t send you to hell! That’s just good ole family-style entertainment.

    It really is “karmic desserts”. Sadly, those two will never figure it out.

    I’d say that the world is going to hell in a handbasket… but being pagan, I can’t. We don’t believe in handbaskets.

    If you don’t believe in handbaskets, what do you carry your severed heads in?

    Hope you have a wonderful & karmically entertaining New Year!

    Same to you!

    Reply

    • Brea
      Dec 30, 2012 @ 23:15:12

      Haha! I have a “recycled fabric” bag that I carry ALL my necessities in… not sure what the fabric is “recycled” from – I bought it at Wal-Mart. Don’t ask-don’t tell, right?

      Reply

  2. wigsf
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 17:54:28

    Well, she was in the bathroom and the guy had to pee. What’s he supposed to do? Wait?

    He does have a history of peeing and pooping his pants… Damn, I just can’t make this stuff up.

    Reply

  3. Rogue Wino
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 18:15:43

    How does one have a history of pooing their pants?? I’m assuming this is alcohol related, icky!

    I don’t know if it is or not, but he likes to share stories of soiling himself with Bagheera. She is horribly offended.

    It’s sad that most drunks will never take responsibility for getting themselves stuck in these situations

    As with all addicts, it’s always someone else’s fault.

    Reply

  4. thelifeofjamie
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 19:57:05

    Ew ew ew!

    I second that.

    Reply

  5. DarcKnyt
    Dec 30, 2012 @ 19:57:52

    I still say the Hometown Rodeo book is begging for your authorship. They can’t sue if you change enough of the facts… and use a pseudonym. Besides, how many of them can read?

    Three of them.

    This is Pulitzer stuff. Move over To Kill A Mockingbird.

    I doubt that, but it would probably fly off the “Strange, But True” shelves at a bookstore.

    Reply

  6. DoubleT
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 08:20:00

    Haha I started reading this blog for restaurant stories, and now I check it for the posts about your town crazies. Love it!

    I’ve been struggling to come up with restaurant stories, therefore I haven’t been writing. I’m toying with the idea of making this all about the crazies.

    Reply

  7. Sparty Girl
    Dec 31, 2012 @ 15:38:34

    Darc is right. In fact, you’ve got enough material for a series.

    I have to get back in the swing of things. I’m horribly behind on everyone’s blogs and I can’t seem to focus enough to write. All I want to do is crochet.

    Reply

  8. Squiggy's Mom
    Jan 02, 2013 @ 15:08:01

    Those people are sooo disgusting! You definitely have a gift for humorous writing – something to think about, and DarcKnyt’s suggestion is a really good one. And busy hands often free up the mind – I do some of my best thinking while washing dishes.

    Busy hands are happy hands. I’m giving it some serious thought.

    Reply

  9. DarcsFalcon
    Jan 04, 2013 @ 00:14:01

    Oh my gosh! I don’t know whether to laugh or gag!

    I’m just glad Foghorn’s not living with you anymore.

    I hope you had a wonderful New Year’s!

    I’m with you. My first impulse was to gag, but then I thought it was funny as hell. How pathetic is it to be forced to live like that because you squander all your money on booze and cigarettes?

    Reply

  10. ktree
    Jan 09, 2013 @ 20:40:28

    I now feel like a worthwhile stay-at-home house person even though sometimes I don’t get like, all the laundry done in one day. And I have managed to squander quite a bit on booze and cigarettes, all while still being able to eat decently and have utilities.

    Reply

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