Internet Juke Box

We finally caught up with the rest of the bars in America and got an internet juke box. The one we had before was the first juke box ever made and had all the original songs on it. I’m sure of it.

I was very excited when the guy installed it. My first song choice was The Passenger by Iggy Pop…something unusual, but not offensive. Life was good.

Of course, anything new that King Triton doesn’t understand causes a fight. He immediately wanted the guy to come back and take it away. He got into a rumble with Doc, who wants to rumble with everyone because he’s sober and hates life, and he pissed off Bagheera. I intervened and told him that it doesn’t matter what he likes, it matters what the customers like and he’ll like it just fine at the end of the month when his cut of the money comes in.

As I predicted, the customers LOVE it. It never shuts off. Sadly though, it appears the only artist on the damned thing is Lady Gaga and she only has two songs: Bad Romance and Poker Face. Holy shit.

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Gaga, but how about Katy Perry, Ke$sha, Brittney Spears, 3OH3!, David Guetta, Rihanna, or Shakira to name a few. For that matter, Lady Gaga has a shit ton of songs, play some of those.

There are a few people with a broader appreciation of music. Some people drag out the 70s songs, which is always okay with me. Someone played Paradise by the Dashboard Light last night, and it made me laugh. Even with the endless parade of country artists and Poker Face 25 times in a night, the internet juke box is better than what we had.


11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. thelifeofjamie
    Jan 22, 2013 @ 17:37:37

    Pa-pa-pa-poker face…that would get annoying. Can you program it for a little bit and then let people choose?

    No, every song ever made is available. It’s up to customers to decide when enough is enough. The first two songs I heard tonight were Poker Face & Bad Romance. Thankfully I only heard them once.


  2. wigsf
    Jan 22, 2013 @ 18:40:11

    Long story short: a waitress listening to a juke box in a bar while she mops up is the reason top 40 radio was invented.

    There are 40 songs in the Top 40. Play all of them.


  3. Rogue Wino
    Jan 22, 2013 @ 19:02:02

    Yeah, I used to work at a pizza place many years ago, and I’m permanently traumatized from too many renditions of “sweet home alabama.” Three years, and it’s all the customers would play on the jukebox, that and Shania Twain. Three years!!

    There are a handful of songs that will make me run screaming from a room. Sweet Home Alabama is one. When I hear “Turn it up” I’m out the door.


  4. DarcKnyt
    Jan 22, 2013 @ 19:45:02

    Internet Jukebox, eh? I’m very behind the times, apparently. I know naught of this interesting device.

    Your blog is very educational. 🙂

    I try to educate the masses 🙂 The first IJB I encountered was 6 years ago when I went on a drinking binge. Obviously, you don’t spend a lot of time in bars.


  5. Serving Up An Attitude
    Jan 22, 2013 @ 22:00:38

    I can’t believe I didn’t throw a chair at the Jukebox where I used to work before I gave up serving. Over 1000 songs to choose from, and ‘Party in the USA’ by Miley Cyrus gets played twice an hour?

    Oh sonofabitch. That’s just wrong.


  6. Cat
    Jan 23, 2013 @ 01:57:02

    I haven’t seen a juke box for years. An internet one? That sounds great. (Unless you have customers who play Poker Face all night….. they should be forced to use their ipods so they don’t annoy the staff!)

    I remember the scene in Wayne’s World where they are in the music store & Wayne starts a few chords on a guitar. Everyone lets out a gasp of outrage and points to a sign that reads, “NO Stairway”. I think we need the same sort of sign.


  7. Sparty Girl
    Jan 23, 2013 @ 14:49:28

    Like Darc, I had no idea such a device existed. Here’s hoping the customers branch out in their interests.

    They really are awesome because all music is available, but you need to know how to spell the artist’s name if you are doing a search. Lady Gaga is pretty easy to spell when you’re drunk.


  8. ForgetMeNow
    Jan 23, 2013 @ 16:34:10

    My local bar has an IJB. The technologically-inept clients don’t understand the concept of smartphone apps. When their music choices annoy me sufficiently I’ll use the IJB app to queue up 5-6 songs for them to enjoy, all without leaving my seat. I give them fine music to listen to, songs like The Bears Still Suck Polka, Gangnam Style, fine stuff like that. Then, while they’re arguing about “Who played this crap?” I quietly head for the door. I’ll have to remember to add Poker Face to the list.

    Oh hell yeah! I can do that from the kitchen. I might just play Gangnam Style 7 or 8 times tonight and laugh my ass off.


  9. michele
    Jan 25, 2013 @ 09:08:19

    they are going to hate me! i will take great pleasure in annoying VIC!

    Vic is usually in too much of a stupor to notice what’s playing on the jukebox. I think I’m the only one who wants to poke my eyes out.


  10. DarcsFalcon
    Jan 25, 2013 @ 21:38:15

    An Internet jukebox? Sounds intriguing! So does the idea of queuing up songs for it anonymously on an app, hahaha! 😀

    I’m all about queuing up the songs, but our IJB doesn’t have an ID yet so I can’t do it. Soon, very soon. I created a playlist of every annoying song I could think of.


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