The Bar Hag got fired today. She created so much chaos and hard feelings this week, it was impossible NOT to fire her. And it’s only Thursday.
- Monday–The Bar Hag, Foghorn Leghorn and Eeyore spent the day getting drunk and shit talking me for so many hours that King Triton got mad and wrote a hateful letter to all the employees. Out of 8 items on the letter, four were directed at me. If he had taken the time to actually sit down and talk to me, he would have learned that they were just gang banging me in the hopes I would get fired. Sadly, he knows this, but he didn’t use his Better Judgement.
- Tuesday–I told everyone they could eat shit. King Triton said, “Everybody got a letter.” I said, “If you’re going to treat me like “Everybody”, I’m going to act like “Everybody”.” I am NOT doing dinner specials anymore, we will have menu items only. I am NOT cleaning the men’s room. I’ll clean the ladies’ room since I use it, but the bartenders can clean the men’s room from now on. Or not. I really don’t care. I’m also NOT mopping the bar. If the on shift bartender has time to bend me over, she has time to push a mop.
- Wednesday–The Bar Hag and Foghorn Leghorn got into a HUGE drunken fight at around 3 in the afternoon at the bar. (He was scheduled to work at 5 and he was shitfaced at 3. One of the items on the hateful letter was, “If you come to work tipsy I will fire you for cause and I will fight your unemployment.” Yeah, right.) Eeyore threw them out of the bar and told them if they wanted to make a scene, they could have a public scene. And did they ever. My dad said he was at the post office (around the corner and down the block) and heard people yelling at each other. When he drove by, The Bar Hag was yelling at and hitting Foghorn Leghorn. So Foghorn was befuddled AND forlorn at work. I didn’t feel one bit sorry for him. In fact, until I was aware of the fight and subsequent break up, I planned to share the Vienna sausage story with him. Hey, I play rough.
What’s the Vienna sausage story, you ask? Well, the day after The Bar Hag and Foghorn slept together, she told everyone in the bar that he had a little Vienna sausage. Hawk’s girlfriend Kelly sent her a picture of Hawk’s junk with a caption that read, “See what you’re missing”. Foghorn saw it and jumped to the conclusion that Hawk was trying to bed or had already bedded The Bar Hag. The fight was on between Foghorn and Hawk, and it still is, which suited The Bar Hag. If the two men were fighting, they wouldn’t discuss how and why the picture was really sent. She went one step further and said Hawk’s girlfriend was a closet lesbian and tried to rape her. Foghorn decided he hated both Hawk and his girlfriend, and The Bar Hag’s secret was safe.
If they hadn’t split up on Wednesday, I planned to enlighten him. Someday I still might.