Bail Money?

I am so furious right now I may not make it to the Grand Opening of my new blog because I’LL PROBABLY BE IN JAIL.

I'm guessing this is what it looks like.

I’m guessing this is what it looks like.

Way back in November, The Bar Hag and Foghorn Leghorn were living in a camper trailer and freezing to death. King Triton bought several cute little electric heaters for the bar and cafe, and after listening to The Bar Hag bitch and moan about all her infections and diseases, Bagheera caved in and LOANED one to her. A few days later Foghorn asked if he could buy the heater. Fine.  It is now mid February and no one has seen any money for the heater, nor has it been returned.

On Wednesday a woman who works at the other bar in town, The Graveyard, gave us a head’s up that The Bar Hag was threatening to turn us into the health inspector for having a dirty kitchen.

  1. OUR KITCHEN IS NOT DIRTY-Bagheera, Speedy and I work endlessly to keep the kitchen clean.  I am batshit crazy about safe food handling and clean work spaces.
  2. Our kitchen IS old-We need a new floor in the front half, but we have new counter tops, new floor mats, and a new floor in the back half of the kitchen.

The news pissed off Speedy, who took it upon herself to ask Foghorn to return the heater. 

Today we got a visit from the health inspector based on an anonymous tip that our kitchen is filthy.  We passed the inspection with no problems, but it still pisses me off to no end.  Foghorn Leghorn allowed his shitbag girlfriend to turn us in, and possibly get us shut down, over a heater that she felt she was entitled to keep.  If King Triton & Bagheera weren’t already planning to fire his ass on Saturday, they sure would be now.

And I know that little bastard was in on it because he walked into the kitchen tonight while Bagheera and I were talking about it, and he wasn’t the least bit surprised.  He hauled ass out of the kitchen when I yelled, “People who live in glass houses probably shouldn’t drive home from work drunk off their ass unless they want a DUI!”

I plan to make it my mission to not rest until both of them get picked up for drunk driving.  Two $750 fines, a night in jail for each of them, two $100 alcohol evaluations, and two $300 alcohol awareness classes is my goal.  The visit from the health inspector was free, but the retribution isn’t going to be.


In other news, I have received many emails and I thank you for all your kind words and support.  I will send out the new address on Monday. 


8 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Squiggy's Mom
    Feb 21, 2013 @ 23:57:55

    Go for it – they’re a waste of good oxygen!

    I can’t even stand to look at him any more.


  2. Abbe Siver
    Feb 22, 2013 @ 08:02:58

    I can’t believe the local cops don’t stake out the bars at closing time. That would be an easy way for them to make some money in these cash-strapped times.

    The local cops go off duty at 11pm, typically before the bars close. That’s why Foghorn hasn’t been picked up yet.


  3. wigsf
    Feb 22, 2013 @ 09:28:17

    Holy crap. Alcoholism sure is expensive. I think I’ll stick to my one beer a week policy.

    And that doesn’t even count how much they spend on booze every night.


  4. Jim
    Feb 22, 2013 @ 21:59:06

    To quote the immortal Rodney Dangerfield from Caddyshack: “Now I know why lions eat their young”. But if I was a betting man, my money won’t be on you as the party going to spend some quality time in jail.

    Been there, done that, learned my lesson.


  5. michele
    Feb 25, 2013 @ 14:12:14

    Oh dear! Let the games begin! Obviously, they have NO IDEA who they are “fudging” with. I am shaking in my boots, and I’m all the way across the country. Wish i was there for some front row action. Did you guys get the heater back at least?


  6. DarcsFalcon
    Feb 26, 2013 @ 23:05:39

    That petty, spiteful game playing BS – grr, I have no words for it! It infuriates me too. I’m sorry you all are having to deal with that kind of crap.


  7. Sandman
    Mar 15, 2013 @ 08:21:53

    It’s been a while since your last post. I hope everything is ok?

    This blog is dead and I won’t be posting here anymore. You can email me for the new blog address at


  8. Serenity
    Mar 22, 2013 @ 07:58:02

    Why don’t you just put the address up here for everyone?

    Because I don’t want people from my area to read the blog. Some of what I write about is sensitive and could get me fired, stoned to death, beat up in a back alley…


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